Children can not escape their own parents

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“Children can not escape their own parents. Blindness makes it possible to survive. This leads to repetition of cycles of cruelty.

To break through this vicious cycle we need to understand that so-called love cannot survive abuse, deception, and exploitation without seeking new victims. And if it requires new victims, it is no longer love but at best the longing for love. Only unflinching realization of one’s own past reality, of what really happened can break through the chain of abuse. If I know and can feel what my parents did to me when I was totally defenseless, I no longer need victims to befog my awareness.” -Alice Miller

I was able to catch myself early on and realise the cycles that I had the capacity of repeating with others. At the same time I turned the cruelty inwards. I have spent years repeating the misery within myself. “You are a failure. I love you, but don’t like you. You will never be anything. You don’t have the intelligence to survive. You are too fat.” Even up until recently I would still feel anxiety over not being supported, cared for, nurtured or protected. This misery has been in my speech, my thoughts, my actions; everything I would do was a reaction to the misery that was put there by my parents.

I was able to escape physically; put the Pacific Ocean between us. The blood family still haunted their own miserable echo in my mind. It was not until I completely cut off all contact that the true healing began. When I could finally separate my personal thoughts from the parents, awareness came flooding in to decimate my mind. Awareness of behaviours and patterns. I practiced blindness to survive.

I don’t want to be in a high stress survival mode. I can feel what the parents did to me and I am not defenceless anymore!

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